Zombieween

For this bonus apology episode we searched for the most horrid reprehensible thing that we could watch to atone for our sin of absence. So now here is our review of Rob Zombie's Halloween. Here are Ruby's itemized notes. ENJOY!

Rob Zombie's Halloween
Or why I've renamed this shit White Trash Shape in Trumps America

1. Opening scene: bad acting, OBVIOUS foreshadowing, like how much abuse and absolute rock bottom bullshit could they fit into each moment? Like they couldn't make it more original so they took every single thing about The Shape and dumbed it down so hard to try and add original content. Everything had to be spelled out and exaggerated. I was annoyed before the second act.

2. Expletives are only interesting when they enhance dialog.

3.The blood was ridiculous. When he beats the kid in the woods the blood is black and dried and coagulated. How many times did they have to shoot this hill Billy bullshit?

4. Exotic dancers aren't automatically shitty people in shitty relationships who have no control over their family and their lives? They also don't automatically have toxic relationships. Come on.

5. The Shape isn't pathetic. This kid is.

6. Why do we even need some "why" based in psychological realism? That makes it less scary.

7. That creepy sister touch/ sexual bullshit. We're above this. Since when does Myers torture?

8. Did that reporter just say Mansion like?

9. The session with Fauxloomis... wasn't convincing. What's with the fucking hair?

10. Machete!!

11. Black isn't a color. Fuck you Fauxloomis.

12. The let it out session? Is Fauxloomis a real Dr? Is he creating white trash shape? Someone call House.

13. Where are the rest of the prisoners?

14. Oh. He killed the nurse. I. Am. So. Shocked.

15. Did this bitch just kill herself with the baby in the house?

16. Machete with the compassion!

17. We can't show you how fucked Fauxloomis's life is bc we're not talented enough to write that shit. We're gonna say it. The DOCTOR is going to compare his time with Myers to his first marriage and a close friendship so that WE KNOW his life has been consumed by this incredible case.

18. Did he just break chains? RIP guards. Also when in the fuck does the Shape run? No.

19. Machete no! Some calm ass balls tho. Is this where we prove Mikey is depraved?

20. Dem feet. Joe Grizzly. Dead.

21. Laurie is um... yeah. Is everyone in this world shit? Like does that have to be true in order for this trope filled shit fest to continue?

22. I'm sorry. Did he tear up and bury the weapon and knife under the fucking floor before his mom got home on Halloween? Was he a 10 year old floor tech? What in the cinnamon toast crunch fuck is this?

23. Oh I like the kid who plays Tommy.

24. Welp her friends are still a bunch of bitches.

25. Danielle Harris... whhyyyyyy?!

26. Omg the over the top is killing me. All of this is killing me. What did I do to deserve this?

27. The animal on the grave? Ew.

28. Are...are they going to fuck in White Trash Shapes house? Oh comethefuckon.

29. That dude has like pedicured toes. Oh, and he's dead.

30. Fauxloomis buying a gun is ridiculous. He'd already have a gun.

31. Ok. The dad on the porch scene made me jump. Parents are dead. They actually didn't suck. Well, the acting did.

32. I just checked. Why are there 42 minutes left in this travesty?

33. Do kids murder animals and lift headstones regularly sheriff? Do they??

34. Omg Fauxloomis. Even I want you to shut up.

35. Really Laurie? Retarded? You're letting yourself become White Trash Laurie Strode.

36. Omfg enough with the book. Monsters sell books.

37. Have we seen enough boobs yet?

38. Did the sheriff really like... kidnap a baby?

39. Why would he come back for his baby sister when he didn't kill her to begin with? What's our motive? She never hurt him, he seemed to care for her? It literally makes no sense. The motive they've created matches nothing he's doing.

40. Don't unlock the fucking door.

41. Ooo girl.

42. I'm sorry. Where tf is he taking her?

43. Where is Jamie Lee Curtis for this bullshit?

44. The bruising on Linda's neck is stupid.

45. Oh look White Trash Shape is emotional. He is showing her a picture.

46. He took the mask off, fuck this movie.

47. No double tap. To be fair Supreme Laurie fucked that up too.

48. Did this bitch really just fall in an empty pool?

49. Despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage.

50. No one cares about you Fauxloomis.

51. 3 shots. Shoot again Fauxloomis.

52. And Fauxloomis is blind?

53. I wonder how William Shatner feels about this shit.

54. A wild gun appeared!

55. This is drawn out and not really adding suspense.

56. Ten more minutes until this booshit is over.

57. I'm sorry. What? Y'all just Thelma and Louised this shit.

58. How tf is she missing bullets?

59. This was fucking dumb. What in the ever living fuck possessed anyone to make this movie? This shit has a sequel? WHY. Like someone tell me how he lives through that shit, bc this mother fucker ain't the shape y'all. He's some sociopath fucked up white trash incest lusting beast who someone fed Wheaties in prison.

60. Fuck this movie.

<script src="https://www.buzzsprout.com/52901/1749610-s03-special-episode-zombieween.js?player=small" type="text/javascript" charset="utf-8"></script>